Point Zero

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You think you’ve covered a long distance

Have moved on

Made a long journey

Been through all

Lived it all.

You think you’ve seen all

Endured all

Confronted everything

Overcame all

Known everything.

You think you’ve come a long way

From where you began

And there’s no further ‘going forward’

You have all the knowledge

All the suffering.

But then you realize

You’re on ‘Point Zero’

Again

And everything is just the same

Inside you.

 

 

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Words

[...][…]

I, too, have wandered in a forest of symbols
And clutched at the harlots of memory.
I have seen the “stars plummet to their dark addresses”
I have felt your absence around my neck
But let bygones be bygones
Who was the deceiver and who the deceived
Was I on a floating island
And were you on the shore?
Which one of us moved away?

—Daud Kamal

Being “ME”

If you think you know me you need to double check your thoughts. The only thing that you know is a name and a face. You don’t know the person that I am. Yet you think you know me. You would have heard some stories about me, the ones that people told you. You might know what I’ve done, but you don’t have a clue about what I’ve been through. So don’t judge me because you haven’t even seen what I have endured, lived and survived through. I have a character of which Allah is the sole judge. So don’t give yourself the trouble of talking about my character. Worry about your own!

While you were playing in neon colors, I was dealing with dull greys of life!

As if she were a 15-year-old girl…!

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She was tired but she could not sleep till late in the midnight. Her heart and mind were occupied with what was to happen the next morning. The butterflies in her stomach were not letting her rest. Struggling with herself, to not to think about it anymore, she fell asleep in God knows what hour of the night. But the sleep was short and uneasy. She woke up early, even before the sun showed up.

And then she was sitting there, alone, waiting for him anxiously. For the man she loved with all her heart, soul, mind and body. She loved every bit of that man with every bit of herself. She knew that he would be there at any moment but yet she could not figure out how would she react. And all of the sudden he was there! Standing right beside her. She was blank at that moment. There was no other feeling except for Love and happiness and flutter. But she managed to hide her feelings from him. She was blushing and her heart was beating extremely fast.

She never thought she would be able to see him again, as so much had happened between the two of them. Ranging from exceedingly good moments to the hell of bad moments. But she was sitting there right next to him. Like a dream. She could think of nothing but how much she missed him, how much she wanted him, how much she craved to see him, how much she longed to hear his voice, how much she wanted to be with him. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering high to her throat. She was nervous, in love, happy, anxious, excited, pleased, delighted. She was feeling as if she met him for the first time, she was so nervous and excited. She was blushing and blushing and blushing like a ninth grade student. She was feeling as if she were a 15-year-old girl who was sitting with the guy she loved unconditionally for the first time.  But neither was the case. Neither she met him for the first time nor she was a little girl. She was a grown up woman who knew exactly what she was doing. And how much she loved him.

She looked at him like he was the whole world to her. Everything. But she didn’t dare say that to him. He was sitting right in front of her, starring straight into her eyes. The touch of his eyesight always left a deep coloured impression on her soul. For her, the time they spent together was like a golden moment stolen from the divine treasures of love.

But then they had to depart. It was never easy for her to watch him go. Again She watched him leave, though she never wanted him to. But he had to go and even she had to go. She blushed the whole day like a silly girl. His thoughts were enough to make her that, the little girl at the verge of her happiness. She was feeling silly and amazed at herself. She was wondering what happened to her. She was continuously telling herself that she’s not a young teenager who went to see a guy she loved. She was smiling and smiling and smiling the whole day. She could not come out of the trance of the time she spent with him, the man she loved the most. Whenever she thought about him there was a big smile reaching out to her ears. She was tough, rude, harsh and stubborn. But with him, she was a little girl who had a delicate heart and an ethereal soul.

You Are What You Write

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Our writings are a reflection of our selves. We are what we write. Whatever personality you have, it leaves a color on your writing. Whatever emotion dominates your thoughts evidently dominates your writings. Hatred, love, anger, pessimism, optimism, loneliness or whatever emotion is the strongest one in your imaginative world shadows your words, actions and writings.

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If you are not clear about who you are start writing  and you would start discovering your self. Explore your imaginative world if its still sleeping in a corner of your unconscious. Recognize your imaginative world, accept it, and see who you really are. Dig deep into your soul, discover it, face it and describe it. Start writing your thoughts and you would see what dominates your thoughts and soul because you are what you write. Write. Know yourself. Accept yourself.

Going Blank!

There are times when you just can’t express anything, your joy, your sorrow, your suffering. Even if you wanna say it, you just can’t. It happens sometimes that you are totally blank, not from the inside but from the outside. You have tons of things going on in your head and heart but you’re completely blank in expression.

That’s when your soul refuses to say what it feels. That’s when the soul gets in a shell and refuses to come out. That is a crucial time for some people, but for some it is completely okay!

Those, who have free souls, don’t censure their souls for being quiet and shunning the mind. The soul needs a little freedom for itself. Let it be the way it wants to be. Don’t pose vanity over it and let it breathe the purity. The soul does not deserve the burden of being a slave to the brain.

Let it be the way it wants. Let your soul go blank when it wants to! Don’t curtail it’s freedom over itself. Because when a soul goes blank it wants to live in itself. When it stops saying things it wants some time alone with all the stuff going on inside. That’s why we don’t feel like saying anything, at times. When you don’t feel like saying it and you go blank, just live the moment of silence.

It’s about her!

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It’s about her! She was entangled in the ropes of her own personality. She herself didn’t know who she was. Her chaotic life made her more confused. People around her tried to shape her as they wanted, but she resisted. She didn’t know why she couldn’t conform to the beliefs, attitudes, norms and perspectives of the people around her, for she was too young to know such things. She was constantly at war against herself, her condition, and the people around her. Everything she did was absurd because she had so many absurd things happening around her and she was too young to comprehend all that. No one tried to understand her and tried to make a puppet out of her instead.

She was rebellious, she didn’t know that, but she was. In every step she took, there was a note of rebellion. She looked for ways to avenge, though unconsciously. There was a destruction going on inside her, caused by people and herself. She was the one who was being destroyed, as well as the one who was destroying. The world made her a weapon of mass destruction!

She was just a little girl in her early teenage, living a chaotic and absurd life, having a broken family, a confused self, shattered confidence and tangled, complex mind. She was unable to be what everyone wanted her to be because she was different. And the dilemma was that she was in a very different place with very different mindsets. She had a life of miseries of her own. She was conflicted. She had no idea who she was.

But time passed, and as she grew up, her mind grew more complex. She was not yet mature enough to see who she really was. But she was old enough to see that whatever happened around her, and to her, was not acceptable to her. She grew more aggressive and rebellious. She was not ready to accept the injustice that people posed on her. Her situation and circumstances made her full of revenge. She was an odd.

Whatever happened to her and how she reacted was an obvious sign that she was not one of them, she was different, unique! She had the most sensitive soul, the most delicate heart and the most complex mind. She was beautiful. No one liked her, everyone looked down upon her with disgust. But this was not her fault. It was the fault of others who could not see who she really was. They never knew her. They were incapable of recognizing her beauty.

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But now she knows who she is. She is trying to define herself. People around her have somehow accepted that she can not be tamed. She knows that she is the only one who can tame that monster. She knows that she is wild but beautiful. She knows that she can not conform to the world. She has accepted that people won’t accept her for who she is. She has just stared to see herself, there is so much more that she has to see. She is just starting a journey, a journey of self discovery, and so much more is yet to come on her way ahead. One day, indeed, she will make a difference!

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